Haard Aan

Posted on January 19, 2009

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There are quite a few irritating commercials on Dutch TV that advertise silly cell phone applications (make your phone into an x-ray! scary ringtones! beyoncé!) you can get by texting different phrases to some number. The best one is for an app that simulates a cozy fireplace on your cell phone (how useful), the fun part being that the phrase you are supposed to text is HAARD AAN, which the internet translates, roughly as always, as “to fire,” but which sounds precisely like hard-on, as in, don’t go home with your.

also of note, signs in french fry stands advertising a sandwich called “Meatbeef”

My favorite thing about traveling is the way it expands the basic necessities of life so that they fill the whole screen of perception. Where am I? Where am I sleeping tonight? What am I eating? Oh no I really have to pee, where do I go? Solving one of these problems successfully, i.e., figuring out where you are in the darkened city and where you have to go to arrive at the apartment full of people waiting for you, is enough to make you whisper “fuck yes” loud enough to elicit an alarmed stare from the Dutchman across the street. Similarly, something like finding the hummus in the supermarket is a triumph large enough to make you want to giggle with joy (also because it says hoemoes. Must send a picture to your brother). What better blessing than problems that can be solved?

in other news I am contemplating spending my 23rd birthday hanging out at an abbey in Belgium. We shall see…

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